a little schmultz in your schmangle and this is how it goes

do you often times find yourself in social situations where you don't quite know how to compote yourself? do you sit at the dinner table, engulfed in a whirlwind of civillized small talk and get the feeling of being alone and lost in the world, like a lone, latin grizzly in the Andes? well fear not, o my children, for a solution hath come your way. below this eloquent introductory paragraph lies a well-thought-out list of questions to be asked at the dinner table. what was once a dinner for schucks is now a dinner gone a-muck... in the best way possible. so take a look. the pleasure is truly mine

1.) What are your views on the enron conspiracy?
2.) Raise your hand if you have ever been accused of witchcraft.
3.) If you had to pick one, would you rather have ebola or malaria?
4.) Would you marry Tom Cruise if you were an illegal alien and in desperate need of a citizenship by marriage?
5.) In all seriousness, would you agree that Gerard Butler is, for lack of a better term, "bangable" at any age (or any gender)?
6.) Do you think that members of the KKK secretly watch Tyler Perry films in their free time?
7.) Have you ever seen the sneezing panda video on youtube?
8.) Do you own any taxidermy pieces in your home?
9.) When was the last time you fell victim to a corprate scandal?
10.) Have you every thought about the fact that we are related to every person we sleep with in some way or another?
11.) Do you consider cockroaches to be demons in insect form?
12.) Would you ever partake in an underground cock fighting match?
13.) Do you prefer domestic american shorthair felines to persian ones?
14.) Do you believe in El Chupacabra?
15.) Have you ever spoken to the Virgen de Guadalupe (in any way)?
16.) Do you ever plan on getting vaccinated for malaria (it, too, can happen to you)?
17.) What do you personally favor, Legalism or Confucianism?
18.) Does your family have a history of heart disease?
19.) Sould catalonia be a country?
20.) Could you survive 24 hours in a room with episodes of "the nanny" being played back to back?

i hope that wasn't too unpolitically correct
and remember... ALWAYS stay on top of YOUR toes.