a little schmultz in your schmangle and this is how it goes

do you often times find yourself in social situations where you don't quite know how to compote yourself? do you sit at the dinner table, engulfed in a whirlwind of civillized small talk and get the feeling of being alone and lost in the world, like a lone, latin grizzly in the Andes? well fear not, o my children, for a solution hath come your way. below this eloquent introductory paragraph lies a well-thought-out list of questions to be asked at the dinner table. what was once a dinner for schucks is now a dinner gone a-muck... in the best way possible. so take a look. the pleasure is truly mine

1.) What are your views on the enron conspiracy?
2.) Raise your hand if you have ever been accused of witchcraft.
3.) If you had to pick one, would you rather have ebola or malaria?
4.) Would you marry Tom Cruise if you were an illegal alien and in desperate need of a citizenship by marriage?
5.) In all seriousness, would you agree that Gerard Butler is, for lack of a better term, "bangable" at any age (or any gender)?
6.) Do you think that members of the KKK secretly watch Tyler Perry films in their free time?
7.) Have you ever seen the sneezing panda video on youtube?
8.) Do you own any taxidermy pieces in your home?
9.) When was the last time you fell victim to a corprate scandal?
10.) Have you every thought about the fact that we are related to every person we sleep with in some way or another?
11.) Do you consider cockroaches to be demons in insect form?
12.) Would you ever partake in an underground cock fighting match?
13.) Do you prefer domestic american shorthair felines to persian ones?
14.) Do you believe in El Chupacabra?
15.) Have you ever spoken to the Virgen de Guadalupe (in any way)?
16.) Do you ever plan on getting vaccinated for malaria (it, too, can happen to you)?
17.) What do you personally favor, Legalism or Confucianism?
18.) Does your family have a history of heart disease?
19.) Sould catalonia be a country?
20.) Could you survive 24 hours in a room with episodes of "the nanny" being played back to back?

i hope that wasn't too unpolitically correct
and remember... ALWAYS stay on top of YOUR toes.

we are all fish in the sea

Those who say that we become more mature as we age... they're wrong. They're all wrong. We don't become wiser... reality simply becomes us. Think of reality as one massive fishing net, us being the fish.
When we are young, we are more aware of this net. We try to defy it, outsmart it, swim away from it. But either way, we can't help the fact that the current is pulling us in closer and closer until we can't see the netting anymore, yet we find ourselves trapped in it. We only realize that we are being pulled into a mental and emotional standard of sorts when we are young. And so we try to escape it.
When we are older, however, we have two choices- either to swim right into it, only to lose yourself to convention along with all the other fish in the sea... or to simply be lost in a vast and seldom populated ocean. An ocean where only the youngest and most foolish little guppies dare venture. In regards to love, we only see it for what it truly is when our minds are young, uncorrupt, untainted- hence why we don't feel it when we are younger. But when we are older, we become scared of swimming alone. We are afraid of what lies beyond the net. This is why we follow the other fish into the trap. Who is the fisherman, you may wonder? He... he is what will become of us once we have entered the net. The same outcome. The same fate. But I, as my own fish, want to see all that the ocean has to offer. I never want to swim into the net, nor do I want to swim alone. Love, therefore, is not the net. The net is what we as the fishies believe to be love. No... what love really is is wherever in the great vast ocean we feel scared and fascinated and adored by all that is around us. Where we feel we are alive.

once upon a time...

a young warrior in a far off land by the name of Chris Robinson informed me of a valuable piece of incentive. He told me that the prophecy instated that i was forsaken to write here an article about thy photography career that thou hast achieved. so here i am... telling you about how and why i got into photography (so.... yeah. no more questions asked. this should sum it all up, ladies and gents).
Let's start from base one- christmas 2009. this was the day that, low and behold, i was handed the golden sceptor, the mythical scroll... the nikon. d. five. thousand. from the moment this great and powerful piece of machinery was bestowed upon me, i set forth to do what its prescence implied me to do. that is to take pictures. i thus began to photograph everything in sight- my kitty kitty. the neighbor's kitty kitty. the neighborhood kitty kitties. my snuggie. there wasn't a single person place or thing in orlando that could avoid the all-seeing eye of me and my camera. together we were an unstoppable force. it was not until a few long months later that i realized there was more to photograohy than simply pointing, shooting, and adjusting the contrast to ridiculous extremities. oh no. what i had come to realize was that photography is an art, and like all arts, it must represent an idea. I then applied time, patience, cunning, inspiration, and above all, mood into my photographs. i would settle for nothing less than perfection. with each and every project, i realized that through photography, a story can be translated by way of one single image. it is up to i, as your faithful photographer, to make this story as beautiful and intricate as i possibly can. when all is said and done, i can rightfully sit back and show you how alas, my work has progressed. the evidence is before your very eyes...

BEFORE


AFTER


thank you, all